You’ve heard the saying:

We can choose our friends, but not our family. 

Similarly, we can’t choose our inheritances. Some folks inherit fast metabolism or artistic penchants, while others inherit property or trust funds. But what about inheriting a cycle of dysfunction and trauma? Not ideal legacies, I know, but it happens. Generational trauma is a psychological term that reminds us that trauma transfers between generations. In short—you have issues, but it’s not entirely your fault. 

A history of family trauma and dysfunction is not binding. There is hope! To unravel cycles of under education, drug abuse, and brokenness in my family, I prioritized and unraveled issues one by one, and then I—chose otherwise. I chose not to repeat unhealthy habits I’d seen my entire life. I chose not to make the same mistakes over and over again. And I chose not to be so hard on myself I couldn’t be successful in my journey. I’d be writing for weeks if I uncovered all of my issues, but the decision to unravel trauma was one of the best I ever made.

In Peter Scazzero’s book, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, he shares a genogram exercise that helps identify the impact of generational trauma. The activity is challenging because you have to examine yourself on various levels and address issues you probably never have. Answer each question and examine the impact it had on you as a child, as a young adult, and now. Admittedly, I struggled with this. It’s hard to relive some of these things. But, trust me, it’s worth the effort. Examples of questions include:

1. Are your parents divorced?

2. Have you experienced the effects of alcohol or drug abuse?

3. Have you experienced the impact of mental illness?

4. Have you experienced physical, emotional abuse or neglect?

5. Have you experienced the death of someone close to you?

6. Have you experienced food insecurity of homelessness?

7. Have you experienced cancer or any other severe health conditions?

8. Do you have childhood friends?

9. Did you graduate from high school?

These will help you start unraveling trauma. Be honest with yourself and add relevant questions to get the most out of the exercise. Then comes the hard part. Yep, it gets harder. Unraveling your issues is just the beginning, my friends. You will also need to have conversations with your therapist, yourself, and possibly your loved ones. It’s a process, so be kind and patient with yourself, particularly when you experience periods of grief or anger.

Take your time, reflect, pray, give yourself room for disappointments, and experience growth.

And don’t forget to journal.

Write on,

Tamika