The Art of Unbecoming: Shedding Old Stories to Find Your True Self
There’s a quote by C.S. Lewis that says, “You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” But what if changing the ending isn’t enough? What if, to truly step into our authentic selves, we need to shed the stories that no longer serve us? This is the art of unbecoming, the process of letting go of who we thought we were to discover who we truly are.
What Does It Mean to Unbecome?
Unbecoming isn’t about erasing the past or pretending it never happened. It’s about releasing the grip of old narratives, labels, and expectations that no longer align with who we are or who we want to be. It’s about making space for our true selves to emerge.
Think of it like this: We all carry stories, stories we’ve been told, stories we’ve told ourselves, stories that have shaped our identity. Some of these stories are empowering. Others? Not so much. They’re the ones that whisper, “You’re not good enough,” “You don’t belong,” or “This is just who you are.” Unbecoming is the process of untangling ourselves from these stories so we can write new ones.
The Stories We Tell Ourselves
We all have them, those internal narratives that play on a loop in our minds. Maybe it’s the story of the “broken” version of yourself, the one who’s still healing from past trauma. Maybe it’s the story of the “people-pleaser,” the one who’s always putting others’ needs before their own. Or maybe it’s the story of the “failure,” the one who’s convinced they’ll never measure up.
These stories aren’t just thoughts; they’re identities. They shape how we see ourselves, how we interact with the world, and how we navigate our lives. But here’s the thing: They’re not set in stone. We have the power to rewrite them.
My Journey of Unbecoming
I’ll never forget the moment I realized I needed to unbecome. It was a few years ago, during a particularly challenging season of my life. I was carrying so many labels, writer, daughter, survivor, healer, and while some of them felt true, others felt like costumes I was wearing to please the world.
One day, I sat down with my journal and wrote a simple question at the top of the page: “Who am I without the stories?” At first, the page stayed blank. I didn’t know how to answer. But as I kept writing, something shifted. I started to see the stories for what they were, not truths, but interpretations. And I realized I didn’t have to carry them anymore.
That journal entry became the start of my unbecoming journey. It wasn’t easy. Letting go of old stories can feel like losing a part of yourself. But with each story I released, I felt lighter, freer, and more like me.
How to Start Your Own Unbecoming Journey
If you’re ready to start your own unbecoming journey, here are some steps to guide you:
1. Identify the Stories
The first step is to recognize the stories you’re carrying. These might be stories about your worth, your capabilities, or your place in the world. Ask yourself:
What stories have I been told about myself?
What stories do I tell myself?
Which of these stories feel true, and which feel like burdens?
2. Question the Narratives
Once you’ve identified the stories, it’s time to question them. Ask yourself:
Is this story serving me?
Where did this story come from?
What would happen if I let it go?
3. Create Space for New Stories
Letting go of old stories creates space for new ones. Ask yourself:
Who do I want to be?
What stories align with my values and dreams?
How can I start living those stories today?
4. Practice Self-Compassion
Unbecoming isn’t a linear process. There will be days when the old stories creep back in, and that’s okay. Be gentle with yourself. Remember: You’re not erasing the past; you’re creating a new future.
The Power of Unbecoming
Unbecoming isn’t just about letting go, it’s about stepping into your power. It’s about reclaiming your narrative and owning your truth. And while the process can be messy and uncomfortable, it’s also incredibly liberating.
When we unbecome, we give ourselves permission to be who we truly are. We stop living for others’ expectations and start living for ourselves. We stop carrying the weight of old stories and start writing new ones. And in doing so, we create a life that’s authentic, meaningful, and uniquely ours.
A Challenge for You: Start Your Unbecoming Journey
If you’re ready to start your own unbecoming journey, here’s a challenge for you:
Grab a journal or open a blank document.
Write down one story you’re ready to let go of. It could be a story about your worth, your capabilities, or your identity.
Ask yourself: How has this story shaped me? Is it still serving me?
Write a new story to replace it. Who do you want to be? What do you want to believe about yourself?
And if you’re feeling brave, share your new story with someone you trust—or even in the comments below. You never know who might be inspired by your courage.
The Beauty of Unbecoming
Unbecoming isn’t about forgetting where we’ve been; it’s about honoring how far we’ve come. It’s about shedding the layers that no longer fit so we can step into our true selves.
So take a deep breath, let go of the stories that no longer serve you, and start writing the next chapter of your life. The world is waiting for the real you.